Love and Respect

"When Nehemiah led his men in rebuilding the wall and fighting off the enemy, he urged them to 'fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives' (Nehemiah 4:14). Something in a man longs for his wife to look up to him as he fulfills this role. And when she does, it motivates him, not because he is arrogant, but because of how God has constructed him. Few husbands walk around claiming, 'I'm first among equals.' The husband with goodwill knows this isn't his right, but it is his responsibility. She, on the other hand, possesses something within that thirsts to be valued as 'first in importance.' Nothing energizes her more! She is not self-centered. God placed this in her by nature."

In his book, "Love and Respect," Dr. Eggerichs seeks to exegete and discuss the reason that Paul writes in Ephesians 5:33, "Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." He considers it no coincidence that the husband is to love and the wife is to respect. His argument is then that Western contemporary culture has not correctly distinguished between the two and couples are unable to obey Ephesians 5:33 without such a proper understanding. He argues that the husbands greatest desire is for his wife to respect him. Dr. Eggerichs even points to statistics that suggest a man would rather hear his wife give a list of reasons that she respects him than a list of reasons that she loves him. On the other side, a wife's greatest desire is for her husband to love her. She wants him to roll out the red carpet for her, not out of respect but as evidence that she is of first importance to him and is dearly loved.

In a world where the church is reacting to proper and improper modes of feminism, "Love and Respect" has clarified the desires of husbands and wives and has given a new framework to discuss the ways that those desires can be fulfilled. I'm thankful to have read it before marriage is anywhere near my horizon.